ing loved completely, as well. What Bob was doing to me could never bring me pleasure, even if we were married and all the world said it was right. There was no sense of "belonging" in it. And oh what a comforting sense of belonging I knew from my contact with Jan.

Bob went on having his way. I loathed what was happening. I had no inner feeling of unity with a boy. Yet when Jan and I were intimate together I felt as if we were one body. Blissfully, rapturously blended! Even our minds and our spirits seemed to fuse into perfect, comforting oneness when our bodies were so close.

My thoughts of Jan were shattered when Bob said, "Here we go again!" His breathily spoken words were hateful to my ears.

"No-Bob-no!" I pleaded.

But he paid no attention to me.

He held me down by force. His stubby fingers dug into the soft flesh of my shoulders, pressing me down against the earth. My sobs in no way touched him. He was thinking only of himself.

"Jan! Jan!" Desperately the cry rang from deep inside of me. But Jan was not there to hear it. And Bob ruthlessly closed his thick lips about my mouth, smothering my desperate call. The thrust of his hard tongue deep into my throat was choking me.

If anything could have emphasized more clearly how right it was for Jan and me to belong to each other, I don't know what it might have been!

Jan's consideration, Jan's thoughtfulness of assuring my satisfaction and pleasure as well as her own, were mocked by Bob's utter selfishness.

To me that sex experience with a male was utter hell.

When he'd had his way with me, instead of tender embraces, and murmurs of gratitude, such as Jan al60

ways gave, Bob laughed.

He pulled himself from me and stood staring down at me where I lay as still as if I had died. I was in a state of horrible shock.

"Now," he said boastingly, "I've made a female out of you! You can tell your gal friend, or what the hell ever she is.”

He gave a filthy laugh that seemed like scissors snipping what was left of my reason. I shuddered. He went on talking, though I was shivering as if I had a malarial chill.

"You can tell her you're through with the freak stuff. You've been had by a real guy!”

He was furious no longer. Now he was very proud of himself, and glorying in his conquest.

Strength had ebbed out of me.

After Jan's love making I always felt relaxed yet filled with vitality. Bob had almost drained me of any feeling of life.

I was very ill, physically, also deeply hurt by Bob's lack of comprehension as to how it was with Jan and me, that we really loved each other. I tried weakly to get up. But I fell back to the ground again. Shame at the way Bob boastfully regarded what he had done by force, swept over me like thick, murky smog. Choking me. Making me feel as if I could not breathe.

"It was fun being had by a real fellow!" Bob said, making no effort to help me in my obvious struggle to get up. "Wasn't it fun, Melba? Admit it!"

I just stared at him, tears blurring the sight of his taunting face.

"You know I've done you a big favor," he said. "Breaking you up with your freak.”

Fury swelled over the weakness in me. Jan was no more of a freak than I was. Just because she looked boyish and I was very feminine in appearance why should Bob speak of her this way? It was so unfair!

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